Angel's Redemption Page 6

  It was then Jackson became aware of where they were. By Eli's expression, he guessed it was going to be a long conversation.

  "Eli."

  "Hmm?"

  God, he wanted that frightened look to just go away. The few bites Jackson had eaten earlier settled heavily in his stomach.

  "I have an idea. Let's pack up the food and talk about this at my house, okay?" He grabbed Eli's shoulder and gave it a light squeeze. "I was wrapping things up here anyway. This way we can relax and talk and not worry about having to drive home afterward."

  Eli searched his face for a few seconds before he looked down at the floor and gave a quick nod. "Sure, Jack. I'll meet you there in a few minutes," he whispered through tight lips. He jumped to his feet and started to walk briskly toward the door.

  Fuck this.

  Jackson didn't want for Eli to leave upset. With no idea what to do other than to give him some encouragement and support, he immediately jumped to his feet and caught up to his panicked friend. Jackson wrapped his arms around him, stopping Eli in his tracks, and pulled the smaller man back into the warmth and comfort of his embrace.

  "It's going to be all right." Jackson gave Eli's lean stomach a gentle, reassuring squeeze. "Let's take a moment to calm down before we leave, okay?"

  Eli drew a deep, shuddering breath and relaxed against him. "I don't want to lose you."

  Jackson had to strain to hear Eli's words.

  He gently disengaged himself and slowly turned Eli around. He placed his hands on each side of Eli's face and looked deeply into watery eyes.

  "You're not going to lose me. I value you and our friendship too much," he reiterated. He rubbed his thumbs against Eli's cheeks, wiping away the stray tears with a soft touch.

  Eli gave a quick nod, and soon he was clutched into an almost desperate embrace with his head nestled firmly between Jackson's neck and shoulder. The younger man's body shook with either fear or nerves, and Jackson once again wondered what had happened to his sweet friend.

  He forced himself to relax and allow Eli to calm down within the support of his arms. Jackson began to rub his hands up and down Eli's back, giving an occasional pat here and there, never once pulling away or rushing Eli to move until he was ready.

  Jackson pushed the numerous questions out of his mind and decided to enjoy the feel of Eli in his arms. He took a deep breath and inhaled the fresh, clean scent of Eli's skin. Jackson rubbed his cheek against the top of Eli's hair, enjoying its texture and the faint, minty scent of his shampoo.

  It felt good to be held and needed again. Ever since Eli came into his life, it made him realize how much he missed having someone to truly talk to. Ben had not only been Jackson's lover, but he was also his best friend.

  It was also nice to be held again.

  Jackson once more vowed to himself that no matter what Eli said about his past, he wouldn't do anything to break the bond between them.

  All too soon, Eli eased away from him and looked up at Jackson with a wobbly smile on his tear-streaked face. "I think I left a wet spot on your shirt."

  Jackson mustered up a smile, and gave Eli's arms a slight squeeze. "You're more than welcome to leave a wet spot on me anytime." He immediately felt his face flush at the double meaning of his words.

  Eli gave him a one-shouldered shrug and said nothing.

  Jackson cleared his throat. "Will you wait for me? I'll follow you home, and we'll talk then."

  Eli nodded. "All right, Jack. I'll pack up the food and help you carry anything you need to the car."

  Although Eli still nibbled his bottom lip nervously, he knew the younger man felt better. Jackson gave Eli's arms one last reassuring squeeze and walked back toward his office.

  "Jack."

  Jackson stopped and turned around.

  "Thank you… for everything."

  He gave Eli a smile and silently hoped that everything really would be all right.

  Chapter Seven

  At any moment Elijah knew he was going to throw up. He still didn't know how he managed to calmly pack the food and drive home without freaking the fuck out and leaving town and Jack forever. Just the thought of never seeing Jack again made him try to push away the fear and anxiety of coming clean about his not-so-honorable past.

  Pulling into his driveway, he turned off the engine and took several deep breaths, fighting the rumbling nausea. His hands shook on the car door. As he locked the car with his key fob, he glanced next door and noticed Jack standing beside his car, waiting patiently for him to come over to talk.

  He cringed and slowly walked across the lawn to Jack's house. His mind raced. How was he going to tell Jack without the older man promptly kicking him out of his house and life? Elijah diligently held onto the hope that his therapist was right about learning to trust others with his past, especially Jack.

  Elijah had a feeling that if he could somehow get his friend to be understanding about it and not judge him too harshly, things might just fall into place between them. It was this hopeful thought that kept Elijah from running away and never coming back.

  As he approached, he caught Jack's welcoming smile and some of the fear that was lodged in his throat dissipated. Elijah realized he was putting all of his faith in this man, and even with his worry and fear, deep down he instinctively knew he was doing the right thing.

  Elijah grabbed the bag of food from Jack and followed him up the stairs. Neither man spoke as Jack opened the door and led him inside the darkened entryway. Jack tossed his keys onto a small table and set his briefcase beside it.

  "Do you mind letting Shep in while I change into something more comfortable? If you want something to drink, there's soda and sweet tea in the fridge."

  "Okay." Elijah fought the urge to throw himself at Jack's feet and beg for him to just forget about the whole thing, to go back to Jack being oblivious to his past, but as he gazed into his friend's concerned green eyes, Elijah brushed that ridiculous thought aside. "Would you like me to get you something to drink, too?"

  Jack gave him a smile and nodded. "I'd love a glass of tea, thanks."

  "No problem." Elijah managed to get past the knot that seemed to be lodged in his throat. He watched Jack walk down the shadowed hallway and disappear into his bedroom.

  As he busied himself in the kitchen, he heard a welcoming bark outside and realized Shep was patiently waiting at the backdoor to be let into the house. He opened the door and, allowing an excited, wiggly Shep into the house. Elijah's heart lightened to find how happy the dog was to see him.

  He knelt and Shep immediately nudged against him, obviously needing a good scratch behind the ears. Elijah laughed at the dog's affectionate, playful antics and felt more of his anxiety ease. It was good to feel loved and needed, even if it did come from a four-legged friend.

  "I see Shep has got you under his spell." Jack's voice sounded warm with a hint of laughter behind it.

  He glanced up. Jack was leaning nonchalantly against the doorway, and Elijah's eyes widened appreciatively at the sight before him. Although Jack was handsome and crisp in his work attire, he looked even more gorgeous and at home when he dressed casually. Elijah's gaze quickly swept over the old, red Razorback football t-shirt and faded, form-fitting jeans. Jack even wore his comical-looking bunny slippers Elijah had come to love.

  As Shep left his arms and bounded over to his master for attention, Elijah tried to quell the physical attraction he had for Jack. But try as he might, Elijah couldn't keep his gaze from wondering over the dark hair that fell in shiny waves around his shoulders. While he worked, Jack usually kept it pulled back in a neat ponytail, but at home it was always gloriously loose and silky-looking, giving Elijah the urge to run his fingers through it. Elijah forced his gaze away from that magnificent hair to Jack's smiling green eyes.

  Jack's face was still youthful except for the faint lines around his eyes when he smiled. His cheeks and angular jaw were slightly darkened with a five-o'clock shadow, and it gave him a carefree, sex
y look that Elijah had come to appreciate. He liked everything about Jack and hoped that after tonight, their relationship would continue to move forward.

  Elijah stood and gave Jack an apologetic smile. "Sorry, Jack. I was detained by Shep's enthusiastic greeting."

  Jack chuckled and bent down to give Shep some attention. "I see the feeling was mutual," he joked.

  Elijah nodded and laughed. "That's for sure. I think I'm in love with your dog." He walked over to the cabinet and grabbed two glasses. As he walked to the refrigerator, Elijah thought he heard Jack murmur something like, "lucky dog" but, he wasn't sure. Just the thought that he might actually be a little jealous of the affection Elijah gave Shep made his heart ease even more.

  Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all.

  While Elijah grabbed the blue pitcher of sweet tea and filled both glasses, Jack and Shep walked into the living room. He took a moment to gather some courage to follow them, to get this conversation out of the way and hopefully put it past them.

  Elijah took a deep breath and tried to center himself as he gathered his thoughts. In the living room, he sat beside Jack on the sofa. With noticeably shaking fingers, Elijah passed Jack his drink. He silently cursed himself for looking as nervous as he felt. If the handsome man noticed, he didn't make a comment about it, for which Elijah was grateful. He didn't want to discuss his apparent nervousness; Elijah would rather just get to the matter at hand.

  Elijah took a deep drink of his sweet tea to soothe his suddenly parched throat. He set the glass on the coaster at the coffee table in front of them and leaned back against the soft couch. He could feel the weight of Jack's stare and found both Jack and Shep looking at him.

  Supporting him.

  Here goes nothing.

  "I'm not sure how to this, so I'll just start at the beginning." Elijah tried to keep the tremble out of his voice.

  "Whatever you want, Eli. Just remember I'm here for you."

  Elijah gave him what he hoped was a grateful smile. "Thanks."

  The older man nodded and said nothing, his green eyes bright with compassion.

  "I was a troubled child. I had a very young mother who would rather party than take care of her son. I guess you could call me a 'latchkey kid.' While she worked or partied, I learned at a young age to take care of myself. I came and went as I wanted. She was usually too drunk to notice, and truth be told, even when she was sober, she didn't care." Elijah clutched his hands in his lap, looked down at them, and watched his knuckles turn white. "As I grew older, I became kind of lost. I was hurting and craving someone to care about me… pay attention to me, so I started acting out. It wasn't unusual for me to be suspended from skipping school or being disruptive in the classroom."

  Jack slid his hand over to Elijah's tightly clasped ones and eased it on top of them. Elijah immediately unclasped his hands and put his hand atop Jack's larger one. When the older man turned his hand around and held onto his with a firm grip, Elijah felt the urge to cry. Jack was trying to show his support and encouraging him to continue on, so he gave his hand a slight squeeze and looked back up into his attentive face.

  "I started drinking when I was around thirteen. The first time I came home drunk, I thought my mother might be angry, but she wasn't. Instead, she laughed and we had a beer together. I guess in her warped mind, this somehow made her notice me because after that, it wasn't unusual for us to drink and party together. This went on for a couple of years until I met Ken one night at the movie theater. I had gone there with some friends, and he approached me."

  Jack said nothing, but gently pulled their joined hands toward him, as if he wanted Elijah to move closer. As Elijah scooted near, he was quickly welcomed by Jack's open arms. Elijah allowed himself to be led into the warmth and security of Jack's hold. He took a few seconds to just nestle against this amazing man and allow the silent understanding and friendship to seep into him, giving Elijah the strength to continue with his story.

  "Ken was good-looking and ten years older than me. I always knew I was attracted to other males, and when I met him, he was the first man that openly flirted with me. He told me he was a Hollywood agent and that with my looks, he would easily make me a star. He nicknamed me Angel, because of my innocent face and 'boyish charms.'" He made air quotes around the words. Elijah laid his head on Jack's shoulder and closed his eyes, visualizing himself as this stupid, naïve kid who fell easily into Ken's manipulative clutches.

  He sighed. Elijah was determined to finish his story and get it out there no matter what the outcome of revealing it may be. "He offered me what I thought was love and friendship, and since I've never had that before, I easily fell under his spell and into his bed."

  "You were fifteen?" Jack's voice was calm, soothing.

  "Yes."

  Jack's arms tightened around him, as if he were trying to protect them from what was to come. They silently held onto each other for what seemed like minutes, or it could have been seconds, Elijah didn't know. Jack was allowing him to talk without a lot of interruptions and giving Elijah the space he needed to get the words out. At that moment, the sheer unconditional support and silent understanding that came from Jack made Elijah fall more than a little love in with him.

  Elijah gently disengaged from Jack's arms but stayed as close as possible to him. What he said next would determine the path of their relationship. By the way Jack looked at him, Elijah had the feeling they would remain friends, and as much as it made him feel relieved, Elijah still wanted more than friendship from this sweet man.

  A lot more.

  "It wasn't long before Ken took me under his wing. Within days and with my mother's approval, I moved in with him. At first, I thought everything was going pretty well between us. Ken gave me the attention I thought I needed, and in my teenaged mind I knew that he would soon get me into the movies, and I'd be a star," he said.

  Elijah grabbed Jack's offered hand and forced himself to keep from glancing down at them. Elijah's heart beat frantically, and his voice wobbled as he continued.

  "After a week or so, Ken started introducing me around to some directors and movie producers, and I guess technically they were—just not in the type of films I believed them to be. When Ken told me that I had landed my first acting job, I was so excited because I knew this was my chance to finally be noticed… as a Hollywood star. But when we went to the movie location, I was shocked to see that it was in some seedy motel, and the movie set was a porn shoot."

  Something flashed deep within Jack's green eyes and a look of horror crossed his face. "But you were only fifteen! That's not only illegal—it's immoral!"

  "I know."

  "Did they know you were fifteen?"

  "Yes."

  "How did they get away with it?"

  "It's isn't hard to get a fake ID, Jack. Even though they knew I was underage, it didn't matter as long as Ken was able to produce the right documentation stating I was eighteen."

  "Oh my God, Eli." Jack's voice sounded as devastated as he felt. He was immediately swept back into Jack's warm embrace. "Honey, I'm so sorry. God, I want to kill that bastard for what he did to you."

  Tears welled in Elijah's eyes, and he gave a silent prayer of thanks for the man who held him so tightly. His soul was starting to feel cleansed from sharing the ugliness of his past with someone as important as Jack was to him. Seeing his loving acceptance made the weight of the world begin to lift off his shoulders.

  "What happened next?" Jack whispered, his breath warm and welcoming against his neck.

  "I didn't want to do it, but Ken told me if I wanted to be famous, and if I loved and trusted him, I would do it. So I did. I remember being so scared I couldn't get it up, so Ken gave me the little blue pill and what I think was a valium. Soon I was participating in my first porn film. Afterward, I cried and swore to Ken I would never do it again, and that's when he started keeping me so drugged up, I didn't care what happened."

  "How long did this go on?" Jack's voice was quiet and
strained.

  "Seven years."

  Jack pulled him tighter into his embrace and took a long, shuddering breath but said nothing. Elijah took his silence as an indication for him to keep going.

  "After a while, I started to become a popular bottom in the gay porn industry. I was raking in the cash, and Ken and I were soon reaping the rewards. I began to tell myself, that even though I hated it, the money and Ken's love for me made it worth it. But the more popular I became, the more Ken demanded from me. I found myself being asked to do more men, orgies and things I know you would probably hate me for if you knew the extent."

  Jack slightly pulled away from him, and he immediately missed the comfort of his arms. Jack's green eyes became fierce and a look of determination crossed his flushed face. Thinking that he had finally made Jack see him for the slutty, train wreck he once was, pain and sadness shot through Elijah's body with such force it took his breath away. It hurt so much, he had to get away from the source, and right now the source was Jack.

  Elijah knew better than to be truthful. Who in their right mind would want someone with such a shady, promiscuous past, anyway? He should have kept his big mouth shut and never gotten involved with Jack in the first place.

  Elijah had to get away before he made a complete fool of himself and begged Jack to overlook his past and still be his friend. Although Elijah wanted Jack's acceptance, he wasn't going to demean himself even further by keeping the man in his company. To Elijah, it was obvious that being around him was the last thing Jack wanted to do.

  He had to get away. Now.

  He pulled away from Jack and stood up. "I can see that you're upset and disgusted with me. I'll show myself out." He was proud that his voice didn't crack from the shooting pain in his heart and soul.

  "What? Why? Where are you going?" He jumped up and took a step toward him.

  "I don't know… home. I'll see you around."

  Jack's flushed face lost all of its color, and he shook his head. "Look, Eli, you've got it wrong—"

  "No. I think for once I've got it right."